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Sticking out like a hammer-smashed thumb during awards season, x Xx: Return of Xander Cage sees Vin Diesel reboot the franchise that no film fan was really that arsed about seeing again.It's now 15 years since the colossus of charisma and The Fast and the Furious director Rob Cohen teamed up for the fun-if-forgettable story of an adrenaline junkie-turned-secret agent and 12 years since 'no scowl too surly' star Ice Cube took over for the substandard sequel.Thai martial arts great Tony Jaa is bleached blonde and shamefully bundled into the background to make up the numbers.Mrs Brown doesn't pop up but maybe she's in reserve for the blu-Ray.I also wrote it after spending a few weeks trying Manila Nightlife.We often say that Indonesian girls look similar to Filipinas/Pinays but, as you can see below, they are actually rather different.And so to the plot, which makes any Furious instalment look like The Night Manager in comparison.The I-thought-you-were dead Xander Cage (Diesel) gets back in the game when a box (called Pandora's Box, mind), which can control satellites is stolen.

The only reason he's on screen is some supremely cynical box ticking for the Brazilian market - Donnie Yen is there for the Chinese punters and Deepika Padukone has been signed up for the Bollywood faithful.Immediately after burying the woman she always knew as mother, April is confronted by a frowsy, boisterous, stiletto-wearing local talk show host, Bernice (Bette Midler), who announces that she's her birth mother.Bernice is fast-talking and occasionally lies, as when she tells April that she's the product of a steamy one-night stand with Steve Mc Queen.Tranny Xxx Matures is the same thing happens to fans of traditional Trannie sex porn - they stop following fucking action and begin looking at interior designs or model clothes!Families that were happily married for years can suddenly realize that they cannot wind up looking at their lawful partner.

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