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This gives you the impression that he will ‘fit in’ with your social network. It is that he goes to great lengths to cover for himself.

You are beginning to think just how perfect you are together. He will shower you with ‘love’ and false compliments.

If you are on social networking sites, he would have analysed your page and watched keenly who you were interacting with and assessed who and what was important to you. By effectively tapping into your needs and wants, you feel uplifted. You take him to meet your friends and close family.

Perhaps what is really at the core of you, however, is passion, or deeply felt emotion, or assertiveness, or honesty. And so Page devotes the first part of the book to discussion, exercises, and meditations to help us see what our heart wants to tell us.

Counterintuitively, he explains,“until we understand them, our Core Gifts are often the very qualities we are most ashamed of, the ones we keep trying to fix or hide because they make us feel so vulnerable.

Yet they are also the places from which we love most fully.”In a kind voice and with examples from his own and others’ experiences, Page teaches us that the first step to finding a soulful connection with a person who will love us for our essence is to reframe our sources of shame.

Not problems, but positive attributes.“Through decades of practice as a psychotherapist, and from a lifetime of efforts to understand my own inner workings,” Page writes, “something surprising and inspiring gradually became clear to me: our deepest wounds surround our greatest gifts.”There are two key questions to help you find what your gifts are. Page then leads us to recognize ways we might have entered relationships based on our need to shield and protect our gifts, rather than share them — what he calls attractions of pain versus attractions of love.

For example, if we’ve been told we’re too intense, do we choose relationships that force us to stifle our passions so as not to reveal this alleged weakness?

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