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It’s probably not too difficult to see why being an ACOA can make romantic relationships as an adult challenging.

You may not have made the connection between your partner’s family history and what shows up in your relationship, but the impact is huge.

The feelings, personality traits, and relationship patterns that you developed to cope with an alcoholic parent, come with you to work, romantic relationships, parenting, and friendships.

They show up as anxiety, depression, substance abuse, stress, anger, and relationship problems.

With that kind of beginning, it’s easier to understand the hallmark get close-pull away pattern that often gets established in relationships in which one partner grew up around addiction.

Acts like a well mannered lady so it's pleasure to go out with her. Very resourceful and streetwise so to speak, can handle people and tough random everyday situations. She's trying to do something about it but it requires a lot of support and care from me to work on it. I think you'd be on a pathway of destruction thinking about LTR'ing her.

Has "no matter what" attitude, can deal with anything to get shit done if she wants. She's aware that she tends to self-sabotage her life and relations with others but that understanding alone does not eliminate the problem at all. Let's check: I don't know if it's ACo A trait exclusively but it feels like to her everything is either good or bad. I can't answer your first question XXL, I've never been with a woman who was diagnosed with this.

Amy Eden, an adult child of alcoholics and long time writer and teacher on the subject, offers insight into navigating the waters of being in love with an “ACA.” Have you heard the one about the confused man whose girlfriend of a year and a half suddenly got mad and left him? The skills that had served her so well in childhood weren’t working. We commit to someone who’s interested in us because we’re the ever-loyal children of dysfunctional, rigid parents, and then we buckle up and enjoy (or something) the feeling of rushing along, fast, on a course to…wherever.

It was too much to continue faking a perfect self, being pleasing, affable, not having needs, or sour moods. For people who grow up with an alcoholic parent, getting into relationships is like getting on a fast ride with a one-way ticket.

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