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Some people dislike the label of codependency, but it is helpful to know whether your behavior fits a pattern so you can address the underlying issues and make healthy changes in your life.

When people are “codependent” in their personal relationships, it means they have an unhealthy way of reacting to other people.

How did he know that I was obsessed with solving other people's problems while my own life was a scalding-hot mess?

In a 12-step meeting for codependence, I once heard a man say, "In this program, we are pathologically thoughtful and obsess over other people's problems to avoid our own." I got a pit in my stomach because I felt like he had been reading my journal.

But this belief has led to one of the most isolated and disconnected cultures to ever walk the planet.

We feel weak when we express emotion and feel ridiculous for wanting and needing others in our lives.

You can be codependent in all your relationships or just one.

Continue reading Childfree, Childless, Childlessness, Codependency, commitment, Dating, Fear, Flow, Happiness, intimacy, Love, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Nonfiction, Personal development, Psychology, publishing, Recovery, Relationships, Self-help, Selfhelp It began with me – with falling in love with myself. Continue reading I’m having a tough week emotionally.

I know that’s a cliché, that you’ve heard it before, read it in some glossy women’s magazine.

And helping people through breakups while I couldn't make time for myself to floss? I mean, if you've Googled me, you probably know what I'm talking about. Another one of my trusty mental-health professionals says that if I walk into a room of people, the broken people in attendance will "glow" to me. I've slept with people because "they drove all this way." My vocabulary was littered with obligatory phrases like "I have to" and "I'll just swing by for an hour." I routinely sabotaged relationships with my seeming altruism.

I could enter a party and within five minutes be in an all-consuming conversation with a thrice-divorced narcissist managing various addictions. Let's just say I've purchased more than one custom gift with a boyfriend's favorite NFL team's logo on it from Etsy. In recovery, I learned that the difference between codependence and being nice is motives.

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