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Do you fit all, or most, of what she’s looking for? I often receive messages from men who seem to overlook the preferences I’ve stated in my profile. This means you have to read her profile, and pay attention to what you read. Don’t hover over your sent mail folder to see if she’s read your message.

“Funny, I didn’t think my age would be an issue.” Really? Don’t offer to help her fix her bike, when the story in her profile is about her success in fixing her bike. The questions you ask should be interesting to you, and personal enough to connect to her. Remember that you don’t know this person at all, and you shouldn’t have any expectations of when she should reply.

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I had tried really hard up to that point to hold it back, honestly. I think part of me recognized that she was much smarter and more modest than me. This fire was burning in me, a fire that burned just like that second date: I was in love. Marriage, quicker than I was ready for, did this thing: it started sucking away that emotion. In other words, it was in the practicality that I found the love I was looking for. That fire I felt, it was simply that: emotional fire. I think that might be a big part of the reason the divorce rate is so high in this country. It’s time that we changed the conversation about love. Because until we do, adultery will continue to be common.

When you’re dating, the person you choose actually has some say in the matter. While you are waiting for her reply, go on with your busy life.

Before you take the time to compose your message, look through her profile and try to view things from her perspective. Of course you’re great, but are you a great match for her? Don’t look at her profile to see if she has logged in.

There was no way I could keep that dating fire burning as practicality invaded our lives. Something I haven’t wanted to admit for a long time, but is undeniable.

And even worse, it seemed that the harder I tried to be sentimental and lovey-dovey, the less it was reciprocated. Or, once we had a daughter, when I shared the responsibility of watching over her. Because as our marriage progressed, I found myself offering to help out around the house more and more. It took me longer than I care to admit to understand what was happening. Through giving, through doing things for my wife, the emotion that I had been so desperately seeking naturally came about. An emotion that, once had, somehow magically stays within a marriage forever. And I’m saddened to think about how much those messages bounced around in my head for so long.

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